This is supposed to be a webtoon but because of other things I need to do, I’ll just share it in a novel format. Maybe one day, when I am not that busy, I’ll create a cute webtoon version.
It all started around June 2020, the CoVid-19 quarantine has just begun, and I decided that I want to start making Yuri or GL comics. I decided to look for a writer online cause I’m terrible at writing stories. It didn’t take me long to find a writer, and they suggested me to use Discord. I said ok, although I don’t have any idea what Discord is. I am a total boomer plus I don’t play computer games. I’m too poor to buy a PC that can handle modern games.
For a month, I only talk to my writer named Grac in there. I thought Discord was just another messaging app (hahaha oh boi, was I wrong). One day, I learned this thing about servers. I immediately thought, I can show my webtoons to the server and gain audience. So, I typed “Yuri” on the search server icon. I joined a server with this amazing welcoming description.
This is my first server to join at so I am very enthusiastic! I said hello to everyone! It was a small community at first. The people are very nice and welcoming. I explored the channels, and I immediately loved this channel named “#yuri-recommendations”. There’s a loooot of Yuri! The NSFW channel is very awesome too ehehehe~
Every day I visit the server and I try to interact as best as I can but since my English is inadequate, what I say are limited too. So most of the time I just watch everyone’s interaction. By this time, I am already familiar with the most active people. However, one user stood out ‘cause they’re the only one posting on the #yuri-recommendation channel! Every day, they post a new Yuri, may it be manga, webtoon, or novel and it has accumulated a lot. I thought, what an amazing person, to be able to read this many yuri. The user is called Bear.
After some weeks, the owner of the yuri server created the #self-artwork and #self-writing channel! I immediately shared a fan-art of Always Human that I did years ago. A lot of people complemented my art and I loved that they enjoyed it. So after a few days, I posted another one, it was a fan-art for a local bisexual couple in my country, the Philippines. The art has a dialogue in Filipino. I don’t know what kind of brain I have, but I assumed that only foreign people use Discord because everyone looks fluent and they understand each other’s jokes very well. When I opened my Discord again, I am surprised to see that someone understood the dialogue on my art and even translated it for the other users!
Who is this person? There’s another Filipino here? Whoaaa, who is it, I need to know!
It is Bear. The Bear that always have a Yuri recommendation, translated the dialogue. I never noticed since they’re so fluent and well they’re online when I’m asleep so I never even thought that we live in the same country.
Due to my excitement and eagerness to be friends with another Filipino who loves Yuri. I immediately sent a dm to Bear without a second thought. I didn’t even bother to try and act cool. In my mind, if I became friends with this person, I might have someone to come with me on anime conventions because I’ve never been to one. My message is somewhat like this.
Hi Bear! So you’re also Filipino? Can I talk to you for a bit? I want to know you more! Where are you from?
Yeesh. I can’t hide my eagerness. Well Bear answered immediately but their replies were very short. I felt like they don’t want to be friends, so I calmed myself down and ended the conversation after a few messages. But still, they’re a nice person to entertain a stranger like me.
After that, I just watch them interact on the server. I especially look for messages that comes from Bear. I started talking less, ‘cause the owner of the server reprimanded me for what I said about a certain topic, which I wasn’t able to word properly because I lack English skills. I can’t even argue because my brain thinks it’s a hassle.
At some point, I learned that Bear is a girl. And she writes a novel! What an awesome person. I really put people that can write in a pedestal and thus I started developing a crush for Bear. I wanted to get closer to her. I don’t really plan to flirt with her. The thought didn’t even cross my mind mainly because it never occurred to me that people can flirt on Discord. Also, I’m the “torpe” (coward) type, so throughout the years I learned to just be happy with being friends with my crushes. So sometimes, I still send Bear a DM to ask for Yuri recommendations hehe.
The following weeks, I just focused on the webtoon I want to make. My writer and I agreed to look then for an editor and I only thought of one person perfect for the job. Without expecting anything, I typed:
Bear would you like to be the editor for my upcoming webtoon? You’re the first person that comes to mind ’cause you already read and watched a lot of Yuri. I also want to know if our story have potential. Plus, you’re Filipino so I won’t have trouble communicating.
After a few seconds, Bear said yes! I got someone so talented on my team! I learned that I am older to her by 5 years. Due to that, she always calls me “ate” (big sister). Now, that’s just terrible, how can I get closer to this person if they sister-zone me?! Plus, I don’t think of myself as a big sister type. The age gap may look big, but I don’t really feel that way since I’m so immature. Bear sounds like the older, more responsible one when we talk. I invited her to the server that me and my writer use. Many times, my writer and I talk there a lot about anime and about life, Bear doesn’t join in so it confirms my idea that she doesn’t want to friends. But that’s fine, I respect that. And she already agreed to be our editor for free!
Days passed just like that. I make character drafts for the characters, my writer creates the story, and Bear edits them. Having an editor really creates a big difference!
One night, I was so bored, I opened Discord and went to the server that we use for the webtoon. Being a newbie to Discord, I am in awe with the bots. Thinking that no one in the server was watching, I started playing with the Truth or Dare bot that I requested my writer to put on the server. I am bored, so I talk to the bots. I talk to them like they’re a person. I argue with the bots! (Yeah, I am crazy) And then after this silly reply I made to the bot, Bear showed up. She was laughing that I was talking to the bots. It looks like she’s been watching my monologue. I am already succeeding with burying my crush on Bear, so I don’t mind that she saw that embarrassing moment. I’m just glad that she finally joined in. An opportunity to be friends!
After that, she slowly opened up to me. I got to read her novel after some persuasion. She tags me too on the Yuri server about some joke. I’m glad we’re finally being friends.
One time, I played Truth or Dare again, Bear and my writer, Grac, joined in. The bot gave a question to Bear.
Bot: Who would you date in the server?
Bear: Sorry Grac, but I’ll date Onee-chan.
Since I am the oldest in the group, Grac and Bear agreed to prank me and make my nickname Onee-chan (in a suggestive anime sound wink). I already know that Bear is only interested in girls. She mentioned it on the Yuri server. Being the only other girl in our trio, I did not pay mind to the answer. I guess I am the only option. I laughed it off and replied a classic HAHAHAHAHA. But Bear replied:
Bear: Onee-chan brushing off my advances.
She followed that with a gif of Bugcat slashing an incoming heart. I also laughed at that since it’s just a joke…right?
Everything is going well with the story of the webtoon. I also visit the Yuri server, to see what’s going on with everyone, and to ogle at the nsfw channel hehe~
One time, Bear and I chatted with another Filipino, named Reg, on the Yuri server. We were talking in Filipino so I am very chatty. We talked about a lot that we got worried that the mod of the server will be mad at us for not talking in English. Reg then mentioned another Yuri server, where we can talk with other Filipinos without worrying about the language. I immediately became interested. More Yuri Filipino friends!
After joining the server that Reg mentioned, we met a lot of Filipino who enjoys reading Yuri, one of whom is named Chicken, whom is a very talkative and fun person to talk to. She seems like she won’t ever run out of things to talk about. We immediately clicked, because of our dirty minds hehe~
Bear, Reg, Chicken and I were talking about something when Reg accidentally sent her selfie. It was very funny because Reg was in a pool, and she’s trying to imitate the wet look model face. Reg have a wavy hair that’s about below her shoulders and an oval face. We were surprised and Reg immediately deleted the photo. Chicken said she’ll also drop her picture so it would be fair for Reg. Chicken sent a picture of her sitting on a classroom wearing her uniform. Chicken then teased Bear to drop hers. I am curious to see what Bear would look like. Her personality in Discord gives an image of a nice, smart girl, so I joined Chicken and teased Bear. After some persuasion, Bear sent a picture. She has a baby looking face, a smooth straight hair up to her chest, and pale skin. She’s the very definition of a femme. She’s resting her chin on her palm and her curled fingers cover her mouth. Her eyes have a mild glare in them. My first impression is she’s someone looking for a fight! So this is Bear. Unfortunately, I wasn’t attracted to her on that photo. I was playing low-key to avoid the attention, but Bear ultimately called me out. I tried avoiding, delaying and derailing the subject but Bear is determined to see my picture. Chicken joined in too and cajoled me to drop my picture. While Reg is goofing around sending her random pics then deleting them right away. I finally gave in but I rarely take selfies. However, I have this recent group picture with my friends. I sent that one, then got an idea to make them guess who among the 5 in picture is me.
Chicken guessed that I am the one on the upper right side with glasses, maroon shirt, short hair and a chubby face and body. Reg guessed I am the one on the bottom right wearing dark blue shirt, ponytail hair, with a wide smile and a chubby face. I laughed at their choices and thought that maybe I give off that chubby vibe cause that’s what’s common in their guess. Bear haven’t chosen yet. I wonder what she thinks of me. I am curious how she imagines me.
Bear come on, which one do you think is me?
I told her. She paused then said:
It’s so hard to choose. I’ll just pick the one in the middle because her glasses is so attractive.
The one in the middle wears a dark blue shirt, hair in a ponytail, with black-rimmed rectangular glasses and a brown skin. The person in the middle is the only one in the picture not looking at the camera. Her head is slightly bowed down while her chin rest at the curve between the thumb and index finger. She looks like thinking of something only her eyes are shut.
Yey! You guessed it right! I am the one in the middle. They took the pic when I was drunk.
I said to them. Chicken roared and said:
That’s drunk?! You should’ve seen me when I am drunk. You would laugh at my face for the whole night!
Ahaaa~ You think I’m cute? said a voice in my head. I replied to her message and said jokingly:
So can I make a move on you now?
Chicken laughed and shipped us and Reg joined in:
Looks like, I only need to invite you guys on this server for both of you to develop [ a relationship].
I was laughing and riding the joke by sending flirty lines to Bear. Bear did the same and is flirting back too. After a few minutes of goofing with them, the topic died down. I was getting ready to take a bath but then, Bear suddenly sent me a dm.
This time I felt something different. Before, she would only give short and distanced replies but this time she wouldn’t let me go. She kept the conversation going! This led to late night conversations every night. Those night conversations become whole day conversations. It was very clear to me that she’s flirting. But although I have a crush on her, we are already working together, which I don’t want to make awkward if anything ever goes wrong; plus, I do mind the age gap, so I am not letting her in.
One day, I teased her for that photo she sent on the server last time. I told her she looks like she’ll beat the hell out of me on that glaring pic of hers. She then sent me another photo of her but this time it’s different, she’s not covering her face, she’s not glaring too. The camera angle is above her. She’s looking at the lens creating a feeling that she’s looking at me. Her finger is slightly playing with her smooth black hair. Her skin looks so fair and smooth. And my heart jumped a beat. Bear is so beautiful when she’s not glaring! I can’t even believe that those two pictures belong to the same person.
After a week, I discovered that Bear admires me too from the moment I shared my drawing on the Yuri server. She said that, she likes talented people too. She told me that she’s seeking me always on the Yuri server, but she wondered if I am already in a relationship since I don’t always talk in the server. Then, she said that she liked me more when she joined my webtoon team and discovered my dorky personality. She would always call me “ate” because she finds it cute to tease me and told me she actually prefers women older than her. On top of that, my physical appearance is her type! Who would’ve thought?!
And I don’t know how to react, I never even once courted a girl or confessed first that I liked them. I never told my crushes that I like them. Every single time, I just wait until my feelings are gone. This, my crush liking me back, isn’t this just something that happens in Yuri novels? And she’s even gorgeous!!! How can a beautiful person such as she fall in love with a potato that is me?! She’s also the one that is pursuing me! I never once in my life even dreamed that my crush will be the one to pursue me!!! She’s also younger!!! Isn’t that also something that I just read in mangas? We even have a lot in common. I like her personality too! I like everything about her! But just like every manga, a conflict arises.
Within that week, I asked her if she’s serious because I just came from a long-distance relationship break-up. Right now, because of the pandemic, we can’t see each other and I don’t want to enter another long-distance relationship. Moreover, we are working together and I know very well, it’ll be awkward if something went wrong. I also have a huge fear back then that I got from my previous relationship, which I told her right from the start. I was afraid I won’t be able to fall in love with her and that I’ll end up ruining the relationship again. I told Bear about my previous relationship, wherein after almost two years, I realized I’m just forcing myself to like my ex because she likes me and well we don’t really fight. At that time, I was afraid it’ll repeat again, I have no means to know that I will surely fall in love with Bear. I told her all of this right from the start. Not being able to convey what I think and feel properly into words, adding to that the fact that this is all a first for Bear, I made her cry. Within a week, I made her cry! I forgot that Bear wasn’t in a relationship ever, and I already barraged her with all my fears. Of course, she’ll cry! The one she thought, would lead and guide the relationship, is afraid. But then she said yes. Yes, she’s serious. After hearing all of my issues and fears, she still said yes. And who will not soften on that. Bear has an option to walk away, to choose someone without all these baggage, yet she chose to stay and choose me. So who I am to not let her in.
But it really wasn’t easy, my fears were overcoming my desire to try again. Within a month, I have made Bear suffer a lot. I made her cry for at least 5 times. I want to push her away but I don’t want others to take her. I like her but I am afraid I won’t fall in love with her. I am tormented with the contradictions in my mind. And then, one night I committed a terrible act. I told Bear I love her without meaning it. After saying that, I thought its repeating again. I am forcing myself to like people who like me. I felt so guilty, that the next day, I decided to confess. I told her I only said that because I felt pressured. I apologized and told her I’d understand if she wants to leave or ghost me. Bear became silent, she asked that I give her some time alone. Meanwhile, I am mentally cursing and beating myself. What a cruel thing to do. That time, I am preparing myself that she’ll say she’s done, that she doesn’t have anything to do with my bullshits anymore. I messed up everything. After all of the precautions and effort I made to take everything slow ’til I fix myself and open up my heart more to Bear, I just have to say those three words. It only made me feel more guilty, when I recalled how happy Bear was to hear those three words from me.
After a few hours, I saw Bear typing. This is it. It’s over.
Bear: I will stay. But what you did hurts so much. Don’t ever mention those words again if you’re not going to mean it. And I might not easily trust what ever you say from now on too. But I will stay. I told you I love you and I always mean what I say.
I felt like my heart was stabbed, hearing that she won’t trust me again that much. But I don’t have any right to be hurt right now. I felt so relieved! All my fears were shattered right that instant. I want to cry so bad, but tears won’t come out. This girl, even after everything I put her through, she wants to stay. I made a promise to myself right then, to fix myself and to do everything to make it up to her and win her trust again. I decided to take even more care with the heart she entrusted me to. I will never hurt you like this again.
After that incident, I decided to take things even more slowly and gain her trust again little by little. We talk a lot about anything everyday. We send voice messages, videos, and selfies to each other. We continue working on the webtoon with Grac. Although, she was hurt so badly, I can definitely see that she wants to be with me and like butter I just feel myself melting from the warmth of her love. Until one day:
Bear, I know you don’t trust this words but I… I think I really have fallen for you. Can you be my girlfriend?
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed that please leave a like or a comment!